30 Days of a Thankful Heart {Day 9} Drama Queens

I love to read.  It is a luxury that I took for granted before the hubs and I had children.

Pre-children, I could lose myself in a good novel or series and read cover to cover, no interruptions.  I would read non-stop and often experience a book hang-over after completing a really great read.

Post-children, I usually have to wait until after bedtime to pick up my latest novel(s) and I am often too exhausted to read more than a chapter or two, not able to summon the enthusiasm to let the book transport me to another world.  It has been a real adjustment for me to not finish a book within a day or two of starting it. 

Say it with Flowers

It’s time to stop dreaming. It’s time to stop talking. It’s time to start writing. Over the last few weeks, I have been inundated with ideas for novels and blog posts. So far, not much has come of them. Why? To put it simply; I am afraid.

Afraid of what you might ask? Failure. I am scared to death that if I put myself out there, specifically in the form of a novel, that I will fail miserably. My perfectionism is leaving me paralyzed. I’m afraid that if I write a novel, that no one but friends and family will want to read it, it won’t get published, and worst of all, that it will suck.

I dream of being a successful writer. Heck, I dream of just writing. I have for a very long time. I had a poetry book published at age 21! People say they enjoy my blog posts. But I am scared silly to go after my dream.

I’m threatened by my darling husband’s ease with which he seems to write. Just the other day he sent me a chapter he had written just because he felt like it, and it was good, which is no surprise; it’s just intimidating. His desire to write is wonderful and I have enjoyed watching it develop over the last few years as he has blogged quite successfully and played around with ideas here and there. However, I have been jealous. I am supposed to be the writer in this relationship. If he wanted to write, that should have been stated from the beginning, right? Ugh. Jealousy is so unbecoming, especially when he is nothing but supportive of my dreams. I love you honey, and I am so proud of you, and your mad writing skills! I promise to work on keeping that green-eyed monster away and continue to enjoy and support your talent.

So, back to my other issue. The fear of failure. So silly isn’t it? Yet, there it is, blinking up at me from that darn cursor on a blank screen. Blink. Blink. Blink. You. Will. Fail. And it leaves me frozen; all previous ideas fly out of my head. Maybe it is because I have had some success in the past with my writing. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to produce quality work again. I also feel kind of cornered as to what I should or could write about.

As a pastor’s wife, I have been told I need to write Christian books, whether fiction or fact. They need to be holy. Not a bad thing, but I also struggle with the label. I know I am not the next Francine Rivers or Liz Curtis Higgs, who happen to be two of my favorite Christian authors. But as a writer, who am I? Who does God desire me to be? What message does He want me to share? Is it a message mainly for already believers, or does He want me to reach non-believers as well? Hello God. This is Heather. I am listening.

He has been speaking.

As I mentioned earlier, I have had a lot of ideas swirling in my head. Some have come while jogging and walking, some while nursing Micah, some while reading other books, some while driving, and others while watching tv or movies. I think “the idea” happened while watching a movie. In each idea I have had lately, I have heard His whispers. This last one was closer to a throat-clearing command.

I’m going to take a step out in faith, let the spirit move, and write. I’m going to write about flowers.

Huh?

Yep. Flowers. Okay, much more than flowers, but flowers are about to invade my life if this is truly what God is putting in my path. In order to write this book, I need to do some research and the perfect place came to mind about the same instant the idea struck. There is a little flower shop right down the road from our house. I haven’t been in it, and I don’t know if they are hiring or if they need help, but I am going in there and I am going to learn about the flower business. I will do this because my main character, Emmy, is going to own a flower shop and I can’t have her looking incompetent. So, I’m praying they can use my help, even volunteering, and let me learn all I can about flowers and how to let them speak.

I know that I will be posting some updates and maybe some sneak peeks as the book develops, but I am still very torn on posting large chunks or chapters, as I’m not sure how copyright applies to original works on a blog. If anyone knows, please feel free to inform me!

So, I’m going to stop talking about writing, and I am going to let the writing tell this story that I know God has placed on my heart. I’m believing in Him to open the necessary doors, such as florist shops, and rely on Him for strength, courage, and love. Lord knows I will need it and Him. Some flowers to make the creative space more inspiring would be nice too!