My heart is aching right now. I’m not sure why this sadness has taken hold tonight. I’ve just been sitting here waiting for Aaron to get home from Saul Good, watching, well sort of watching, Braveheart, catching up on facebook. Darn those kilt-raising Scots; they always bring tears!
Seriously, though, this sadness feels weary. Is that possible? I mean, I am tired, but that’s not what I am referring to. My heart feels weary. Sometimes I wonder if that was the feeling that is spoken of in Hebrews 12:3- “Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds.”
Of course I do not consider my trials anything compared to Christ’s nor those of biblical proportion in general, but it does well to remind me in whom my peace dwells. I am sad at the conflicting nature of my current situation. It was difficult for me to move to Kentucky. I am an Okie, through and through; Sooner born, Sooner bred, and when I die, I’ll be Sooner dead! I love having my family close, or as Dorothy so succinctly put it, “There’s no place like home.” So 700+ miles away from home was not my ideal cup of tea. However, like most situations where God is leading and allowed to be in control, (there’s that word again) after 3 years, Kentucky has come to be home away from home, if for one reason; friends.
Being on facebook is an easy way to catch up with old friends. It has also reminded me of many friendships that have fallen away if for no other reason than time and busyness. It’s a sad thing to look at an old friend and realize that so much has changed and a closeness that once existed has been replaced by a cordial kindness. When we left OK we left behind family and friends who we considered family. While our family is bound to us, it has proven more daunting to keep in close contact with all our friends to the degree we desire. We are so eager to return to OK and reconnect with these cherished friends in person. I think knowing we would return made leaving easier, though it did not make it easy.
Fortunately we have made an abundance of friends during our time here in KY. I almost dreaded doing so, even as I longed for friendships to form. Knowing we would be departing the bluegrass state in 3 years was too much of a reminder that we would be saying goodbye all too soon, and this time we would not return. So my conflicting emotions which lead to a weary heart. I am thrilled to be returning home, though I dread to say goodbye to my dear friends. I am excited by the new journey that lays ahead, though I am anxious about the time that will be spent lonely while new friends are sought.
It is a joy beyond reason to have a friend whom knows your very heart, and a pain beyond measure when you must part. I must seek my solace in God, for He alone endures.