Archive | 10:48 pm

Surrendering to The Call

11 Apr

I am one of those people.  When someone else’s phone rings, I am usually pretty quick to ask who is calling.  I like to know what’s going on.  I like to know the where, when, why, what, who, and how of most situations.  It’s called control, and yes, letting go of it is one of my personal thorns.  So, waiting on a single phone call that would determine a lot about our life, and not knowing when that call would occur or what might be said, was a big thing for me to take patiently.  Even with knowing the waiting would occur didn’t make it easier.

I knew when I married Aaron that I was, in a way, marrying the Oklahoma United Methodist Conference as well since they would not only employ my husband, but they, by listening to and hopefully discerning and trusting God’s will, would determine a huge chunk of the where, what, when, and who of our life.  So, one would think that I was well prepared and content with almost 5 years (May 13th!) with which to get used to the idea and acceptance of the itinerant system and all that the itinerancy would bring, such as the waiting, wondering, and general lack of control.  Well, my head knows that in reality I can’t really control anything and those things I want to control are the exact things I need to turn over to someone a bit more capable, namely, God.  However, along with the minor control issue, I am also likely to think and react more with my heart than my head, though in this too I am growing in grace, day by day.  As my loving husband likes to point out, he usually doesn’t rely on my initial reaction to major news, as it tends to be full-tilt emotion.  He likes to give me the needed amount of time and space with which to let my brain regain the ability to speak after being roughly gagged and stuffed in the trunk by my all too eager and somewhat reactive emotions who sometimes take over the controls of my life.  And, yes, we all have trunks in our heads into which we often shut our brains away when thinking is inconvenient and in the way of what we WANT, but may not NEED. Continue reading