Pregnant Pause

There was this moment, before I looked down at the pink stick to see one or two lines, that just paused, just a few seconds.  A moment before knowing that my whole life would change.  Then I bravely watched as the two, bright pink lines appeared so rapidly that my heart stopped and I had to remind myself to breathe.  There they were.  I am pregnant.  I am going to be a mother.  There is a life that relies on me for all it needs.  I am a mixture of emotion.

I lingered in the bathroom, trying to think of some cute or clever remark to tell Aaron.  He was waiting for me, so it wasn’t a surprise.  However, nothing would come to me.  I was speechless as I walked towards him with what I’m sure was a huge, goofy grin as a few tears ran down my cheeks.  His remark was that he expected tears either way, but he was so happy they were the joyful kind.  So was I, and I was so overcome with joy, and a little mixture of uncertainty. 

I don’t think the smile faded for at least a few hours, and we relished this amazing secret together.  The questions came into our minds I’m sure right away and I think we were both hesitant to ask them, wanting to feel confident and capable.  Are we ready?  Will we know what to do?  Will there be enough love, money, patience, etc.?  Will they grow up knowing how much they are loved by not only us and family, but the amazing love of God?  You know, the basics! 

So here we are nine weeks later and the smile is still there and we oscillate between feeling confident and questioning our preparedness.  Our families are happy and excited and our friends are already offering free babysitting.  My due date is October 12, and as Aaron has been so excited to tell anyone who will listen, if we have a girl, she will be the fourth generation in my line born in October.  My Mima, mom, and I are all October babies, as well as my cousin Tommy.  So if we have a boy, Tommy will have another male to celebrate with!  We just want a happy, healthy pumpkin, with two pudgy arms and legs. 

We pray every night for LT (Little Tiger), as we are calling him or her for now, and Aaron kisses my belly, says goodnight and I love you.  It’s pretty sweet.  It’s an amazing thing to pray that toes and fingers, eyes and ears, and even the heart and brain are being formed perfectly, trusting that God is forming your child in the womb, just as His Word says.  We pray that the baby can feel our love and will grow in God’s love these nine months and the rest of their life.  We look forward to seeing the great things the Lord will call our child to. 

So we wait, planning, dreaming, preparing, and praying.  We wish we were closer to family to share all of this, but we trust in God’s timing, and technology makes distance shrink.  We will be finding out the sex of the baby and letting everyone know when we do.  And while we will be open to name suggestions, that secret will be ours to share until the baby arrives.  Pray for LT and us as we share in this time of preparation and joyful expectancy.